omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
