If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
