You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
