So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
