I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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