he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
