Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
