I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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