WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
