upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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