All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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