Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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