I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
