I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
