I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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