My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
