i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
