one two three fourrrrnication!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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