i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
