and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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