How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
