and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
