He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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