Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
