How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize