Taylor Swift is so right about you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
