I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize