are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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