My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
