some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
