is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize