This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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