Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
