her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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