so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
