Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
