You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
