my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
