Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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