I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
