morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
