i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
