one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
