Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize