So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
