I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
