yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
