a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
