at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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