Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
