i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
