I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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