I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
