You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
