I love black thongs
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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