I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
