paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
