Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
