Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
