He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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