It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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