she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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