We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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