Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it hurts more in the daytime
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
