I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize