Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
