How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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