I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize