Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize