No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
