I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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