Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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