Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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