I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize