burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
