It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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