I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
