Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
