Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
