Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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