I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
