just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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