Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
