my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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