i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
