My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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