So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
