Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
