I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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