Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
