I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
