i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How naked do you want me to be?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
