Where did you get a picture of my penis
You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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