dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
