I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
