I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
