I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
