This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
