Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
