Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
