How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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