dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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